Toluu

Epic.Fail.

Epic - ep-ik
-adjective
1. of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions.

Fail - feyl
–verb
1. to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.

This idiotNovember 18

No, not the dumbfuck reporter who knocked the cunting thing over.

The shithead who spent countless hours of his life building something entirely pointless, and then decided to gloat about it being a record BEFORE he got it officially confirmed.

Do you know why they say "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched", you fucking bell-end?

Because some of those chickens died. Just like your dreams.

Fail-O-Meter:

ClaratyneNovember 13

IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A TAKE-ONCE-EVERY-24-HOURS TABLET, THEN MAKE FUCKING SURE THAT IT FUCKING WORKS FOR 24 FUCKING HOURS, INSTEAD OF THE 3 FUCKING HOURS THAT IT FUCKING WORKED FOR ME TODAY, LEAVING ME TO FUCKING SIT HERE FOR THE OTHER 21 FUCKING HOURS TRYING TO PUT MY FUCKING PALM CLEAN THROUGH MY FUCKING EYE SOCKET AND OUT THE FUCKING BACK OF MY FUCKING HEAD.

FUCK.

FUCK.

FUCK.

Fail-O-Meter:

Inappropriate Crowd MovementNovember 12

Bare with me on this one.

Picture this: It's Saturday night. You're out having a good time. Sure, the place is a little crowded, but you counteract that by forming a tight circle of mates, and you proceed to drink beers and shoot the shit. Everything's going swimmingly.

All of a sudden, you feel two hands lightly grab you either side of your waist from behind.

The mind, in a split second, whirs. The possibilities are endless. And then you turn around, only to discover that it was some fucking harlot trying to make their way through the crowd.

Who the FUCK just casually grabs the waist of a complete stranger?

Do I know you? Are you some long lost mate "'avin a laff"? Are you Scarlett Johannson, coming to surprise me after being finally wooed by pile after pile of my borderline-psychotic "fan mail"?

No. You are not. You are no one. Do not grab my fucking waist. Ever.

Here's how it's done: One hand. Open palm. Right between the shoulderblades. This can be accompanied by an audible "Excuse me, cobber." or, "Sorry, champ".

Simple.

I'll even put in pictures for you.

This:

Slow News DaysNovember 11

Awesome. Let me know how that works out for him.

Fail-O-Meter:

Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?November 7

This show is a fucking farce. More like "Are you smarter than some kid who was given the answers to all these questions like 20 minutes ago?"...

For example one of the questions that was on the other night "How long is a senators term in office in Australia?". Who the fuck knows that? I don't and I'm pretty damn sure your average 5th grader wouldn't either. Yet all these little fuckers somehow knew the answer. Fucking shenanigans.

SHENANIGANS I SAY!!!

Fail-O-Meter: